HOBART - They met in junior high school, when she was 12 years old and in seventh grade. He was just a year older. Their love story spans decades and continues today. Joyce and David Barber met in 1963, were married in 1972 and celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in 2022.
There are no secrets to lasting love; there are considerations. “Don’t make excuses,” Joyce says. “Just have at it!” He agrees, adding. “A sense of humor is very important.”
Joyce retells the start of their romance, that began when her “wingman” friend, Kathleen, walked up to David at the Stamford United Methodist Church Parish Hall during summer youth fellowship, and told him Joyce thought he was cute. “When I told him you liked him, he smiled. That means he likes you!” Joyce said of the giggle-filled conversation that followed between the two girls.
A few years went by, Joyce continued, and she ran into David again - this time at a weekend dance sponsored by the Stamford Rotary and Kiwanis Clubs, held at the former Rexmere Hotel. By that time, she said, she was a freshman in high school and community groups were thinking of activities to “keep the kids off the streets.” It’s funny to think about that mindset in 1965, she said, compared to today. “We weren’t doing anything bad then!”
The rest is history, she said. The two have been thoughtful over the years, mostly about one another’s feelings. “Sometimes you have to stand back and think about what is most important,” Joyce said.
“You have to think about the other person more than yourself,” David agreed.
She tells of one of the ways he does that. He picks flowers for her - not for a holiday or special occasion, but just because he knows she loves them. “Any day he might come in with armful of wildflowers,” she said. “That’s how he says ‘I love you’ without saying the words,” she said. “I really love it when he does that.”
She admires the quality of his character, she said. Things like loyalty, ethics and honesty are very important to her, she said. She has on occasion compared him to other men. For instance, she said, at a party, “I would look around a room and see if there was any man there I would trade him for.” The answer is always no. “There is no one that comes close because of the list of fine qualities he posses,” she said.
Forgiveness is important in sustaining a relationship, he said. Also key, they agreed, is that they don’t “nag” each other. “If something needs to be done, either one of us just do it. There aren’t fights about laundry or dishes. Whoever has the time or inclination does it,” she said regarding household tasks. “We don’t make excuses, we just have at it,” she said.
The two also continue a long tradition of exchanging the same Valentine’s Day card each year. The one she gave him 45 years ago, and continues to give him each year says: “Cupid’s arrow pierced my heart the moment we first met. What could I do? I fell for you and haven’t recovered yet!”
Once he reads the card, she puts it away to give it to him the following year.
They offer advice for anyone seeking to sustain a long term relationship. “Just take care of each other,” they said.
